Being Human
by cuddleclown
Summary: Post season 8 finale. Castiel has to learn to deal with human emotions. Emotions dealing mainly with Dean.


As the last bright meteor tails of falling angels fell horrifically to the earth, Castiel began to feel the emptiness around him. Usually when he had his grace, he never felt empty. He could feel the Winchesters love for each other, he could feel his family's love for him. He swore he could feel the love his father felt for him, even if all the other angels in the garrison believed him to be long gone. But now, his chest hurt. It physically hurt, his chest felt like it could cave in at any moment. He couldn't breathe, the world was suddenly so big and he was so small and he couldn't. He couldn't handle it. He just couldn't. He grabbed at his trench coat to get the cell phone Dean made him carry at all times.

Dean took too long to answer; Castiel assumed something was wrong with Sam and Crowley. He would have hung up after the fourth ring (because Dean _always _picked up by the fourth ring) but Castiel's breathing was now ragged and if his mind wasn't so numb he probably would have realized he was in tears. Real, human, tears.

"Cas? Cas, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Dean must have heard the sobbing at the other end. "Dean…I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't know where I am and I need you, Dean." He managed to force out between giant gulps of air. Dean stayed on the line with Castiel long enough to figure out where he was, and figure out how to get him to a safe hotel. That's right, a hotel. Dean figured his angel needed some high class pampering after the night he had been through.

By the time Castiel woke up the next morning, Dean was waiting in the hotel lobby absentmindedly eating some bacon and eggs while trying to figure out if he should go up to Cas' room to see if he was awake. Every time he heard the ding of the elevator Dean would whip his head to the source of the sound to see if his angel would appear. Seven dings later, the roughed up, messy haired, semi-depressed angel appeared in the elevator. Dean pushed the chair backwards before leaping up and running to hug the angel. Normally he wouldn't do that, but when Sammy was little and he'd have a nightmare Dean realized the best course of action was to just smother him in love until he felt better. And Cas without his angel mojo was basically just a baby in a trench coat, anyways.

Now Dean would have assumed that Cas would react slightly weird to the hug. While he had no real concept of personal space, he really never had been hugged. But when Cas flinched backwards, confusion flashed across Dean's face. Why wouldn't his angel accept his love? Once Cas realized what had happened he began to blush furiously, which amused Dean as he never knew angels could blush.

Dean led Cas out to the Impala, where Sam was riding in the backseat so Cas could ride shotgun in the front with Dean. He thought he was doing Cas a favor but he just seemed really nervous and sweaty the entire ride. Which lasted for hours. Hours of super long awkwardness. Sam could feel the heat coming off both men, a confused anger from Dean and fear from Cas.

As the days went on, Cas and Dean's relationship only further deteriorated. Cas wouldn't stand within three feet of Dean, and didn't maintain eye contact. He was basically acting, well, like a human. And Dean hated it.

"Cas, what the hell is going on with you?" Dean asked one night in a seedy diner. Cas refused to sit next to Dean and kept inching away from the table. "You won't look at me, you won't stand near me", he trailed off. "Dean…you have been asking me to do those things for years" Cas said, smiling wryly. "Well, I was being a dick. You need to go back to being you, in all your weird angel ways." Dean responded. "I…can't." Cas said nervously, looking down. Dean reached across the table and grabbed his hair. He meant to ask, "And why the hell not?" But instead was rendered speechless when he realized Cas' usually bright blue eyes were dark black. Cas was flushed and looked horrified.

Just about as horrified as Sam, who began to choke on a piece of lettuce before getting up to go pay the check and head back to the Impala to try and pretend the last thirty second hadn't happened. Hopefully the lettuce would dislodge itself from his esophagus; but at least if he died he wouldn't have to think about what had just happened. He'd probably prefer the nutritious death.

As Sam left the diner, Dean realized that he still hadn't let go of Cas' hair. He also realized that the temperature in the establishment was about thirty degrees warmer. "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas whispered, before getting up from the booth and running into the bathroom.

_"Son of a bitch!"_ Was all Dean could think, as he ran to catch up to Cas.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Dean whispered as he reached Cas. The angel backed up, accidentally hitting the wall. "How have you been able to stay away from me for so long?" Cas muttered, in wonder. Dean was even more confused than before. Confused, and slightly turned on, although he'd never admit either. "Ever since I've been human, I can't stand next to you. I can't keep eye contact. I can't think of you because the second I do, it gets warm. And my pants get tighter and I can barely stand." Cas was rambling now. "Do you not feel the same way, Dean? Is that why you don't notice these things the way I do?" As Cas realized his feelings may not be returned, his face fell. Dean felt like the worst scum in the entire universe in that moment. He would go to the end of the universe to keep his angel happy, and now he was the source of his pain. And he refused to keep his angel sad. So he did the only thing a logical human in love with an angel would do, and leaned forward to kiss him. He reached out and tilted Cas' head to meet his lips, and it was so good he closed his eyes. Closed his eyes, like some kind of girl. What the hell? But at least he could feel Castiel smiling into the kiss, calming him down. He could feel Castiel wrapping his arms around him simultaneously, finally reciprocating the hug from the hotel.

The door opened, and Sam walked in. "Goddamn it!" he cried, shielding his eyes with his arms. He walked sideways to get to the urinal while flipping Dean off. By the time Sam was done, Cas and Dean were in the backseat of the Impala, making puppy dog eyes at each other. "Hey, asshole. Drive." Dean said, throwing the keys in the general direction of Sam; never breaking eye contact with Cas."

Sam sighed, putting the keys in the ignition. Brothers were the worst.


End file.
